does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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