People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
