went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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