It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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