How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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