those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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