i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
