ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
