This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize