K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
