Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i think i just lost a toe
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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