I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize