I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
