the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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