He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
