I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize