I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
