i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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