No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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