so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
