my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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