So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
