Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
