batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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