It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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