Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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