glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
