We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
