The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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