Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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