i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come share oat with me in your robe
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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