I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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