Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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