no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
