why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
