A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
