plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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