I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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