Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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