Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
