Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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