The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
