I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i came on her dog
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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