peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
