How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
