well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love having hate sex.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
