Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
