Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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