just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
