You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
