Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
