Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
