My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
