just tell him i said nine months
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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