No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
