can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
