I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
