Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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