Tell her she can't have a vagina
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
