I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
