My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
