the day after is always just damage control
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
