I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
