yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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