just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
