y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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